Letting it all hang out – one for my GRRRL’s

Over the course of 25 professional fights, I have only ever fought in a crop top once.  Even when I am lean, I always wear t-shirts because I am so self-conscious and embarrassed about my stomach.

Back around 2012, I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Disease.  I had been exercising rigorously and eating well and not losing weight.  I had been poked and prodded and tested for a million different things but no one could figure out why I was still, technically, ‘overweight’.  At this time I weighed about 77kgs (I am a staggering 5’5”to give you some measuring stick).

I sought out a new GP and she immediately said to me, these all sound like classic symptoms of PCOD.  I went and had a very uncomfortable test to confirm, and what do you know, I have PCOD.

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I’m not here to write about the impact of PCOD on women – maybe a story for another day.  But my point is this; PCOD messes with your hormones.  In a lot of women, being lean is not even possible.  I actually had to go on a specific form of an oral contraceptive, just so I could balance out my hormones a little and I naturally shed a little weight.  For me as an athlete, I never look like I ‘should’.  If you had someone approach me in a bar, or in the street, chances are, they might have a hard time believing that I am a professional athlete.  I don’t have abs, I don’t have superior definition in my arms or legs, I do not look like the girl on the cover of Women’s Health magazine.

To top things off, this year has been insanely taxing mentally.  I have been injured for 6 months and I really just had no self control with my food.  I couldn’t train properly, so saying yes to a few drinks became easy.  What did it matter if I didn’t feel good the next day?  Food, as per usual, became my comfort during an extremely stressful and trying time.  The end result of a visit home for Christmas, and a few months of bad eating, I have gained noticeable weight.  It happens.

When I fought the other night, even the staff who know me weren’t hesitant in telling me that I was “pom pui” (chubby) and my trainers have made it clear that my extra weight (in their opinion) is slowing me down and I need to slim down.  This may sound harsh, but they are not wrong, and once again I am venturing to lean out and be the best I can possibly be.

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My point to this little blog?  Since becoming a brand ambassador/sponsored GRRRL athlete, I am calling my own bullsh*t.  It’s time for me to practice what I preach.

I tell women all the time, to not worry about the way they look.  The scales don’t matter.  Mainstream media is unrealistic.  Real life is no photoshopped.  Yet I struggle daily with this myself.  I always wear baggy t-shirts, because I am now, even more so, embarrassed about my recent weight gain.

On Saturday night, in honour of our GRRRLs, I let it all hang out.   Fat rolls and all.  I got stared at, I felt uncomfortable, and I will probably never post the video footage because I hate seeing how out of shape I look – however – it was one of the most liberating things I have done in a quite some time.  Getting in there and not caring, and realizing that my looks did not impact the way I fight – it didn’t impact me getting a win, even though I took a fight on short notice.  Being a bit chubby doesn’t stop me from being a good person.  It doesn’t stop me from being a good fighter.  It only holds me back if I let it.

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Your looks don’t define you as a person.  I am not ‘perfect’, but I don’t need to be.

To all the beautiful GRRRLs out there – my biggest love to you.

For those of you that haven’t discovered GRRRL yet – head over to grrrlclothing.com and see what we’re all about!  If you want to purchase some swag, use ‘missmuaythai’ as the coupon code to get a nice 15% discount 😉

3 comments

  1. Hi, I just happened to come across this post by chance. First of all thank you for stepping out of your own comfort zone, you’re strong and beautiful just as you are! I have no doubt that you eat healthy foods and take good care of yourself. I just started reading a book by Alisa Vitti called Woman Code. Alisa Vitti also has/had PCOS and developed a way of eating for women to support our hormones. A lot of it sounds like a sales pitch at the beginning with a multitude of success stories but it also has a lot of great information which might be of use to you. Don’t be ashamed of weight gain and don’t let the gym culture make you feel guilt or embarassment. All the best!

    1. Hi FireFly!
      Thanks for your comment. I will look into that book – thank you so much for that valuable information.
      I just wanted to take a stand against the norm. I’m glad this post is reaching people 🙂

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